It’s Friday, y’all!

Like the limericks and illustrations? See the archive here.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t4mcmfZ5Wmc[/youtube]

Since moving to Phoenix I’ve kind of stepped away from being involved in local politics.  I had sort of surrounded myself with it back in California: all of free-time was spent doing political things; all of my friends were running in political circles.

It was kind of relaxing to move away and take a break…but today I just accepted a position that will bring me back into the political world.

I don’t like to write too much about my professional life here–the internet never forgets–so I’ll just be brief and say that I think I’ve found a position that is career-starting.

I was reading a local rag called The Chandler Times, and came across this gem that was sent in by a reader (emphasis is mine):

…I ended up working four jobs, got in a bad car accident where the kids ended up in the hospital and so did I. I didn’t care if [my ex-husband] didn’t come see me. He wouldn’t even come see his kids. I barely got on welfare just because my youngest one looked like she was Mexican. That’s how I qualified, because I’m White.

Seriously? You got welfare because of how your daughter looked? And White people are excluded from government assistance, really?

Read the entire letter here. It’s the 5th entry on that page.  Remind me again why I moved here?!?

I was reading a local rag called The Chandler Times, and came across this gem that was sent in by a reader (emphasis is mine):

…I ended up working four jobs, got in a bad car accident where the kids ended up in the hospital and so did I. I didn’t care if [my ex-husband] didn’t come see me. He wouldn’t even come see his kids. I barely got on welfare just because my youngest one looked like she was Mexican. That’s how I qualified, because I’m White.

Seriously? You got welfare because of how your daughter looked? And White people are excluded from government assistance, really?

Read the entire letter here.  It’s the 5th entry on that page.

I’ve been ill the past couple of weeks and didn’t feel up to creating my weekly limerick.  Here’s one on a Tuesday to make up for that:

As always, you can read all of my limericks and see the illustrations here.

I’m a sucker for a good hook. I have purchased a book simply because when I opened it up and read the opening line it worked. I wanted to throw together a collection of good opening lines from some of my favorite novels. Do you have any favorite hooks?

In no particular order.

The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath.

“It was a queer, sultry summer, the summer they electrocuted the Rosenbergs, and I didn’t know what I was doing in New York.”

Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk

“Tyler gets me a job as a waiter, after that Tyler’s pushing a gun in my mouth saying, the first step to eternal life is you have to die.”

Apathy And Other Small Victories by Paul Neilan

“I was stealing saltshakers again.”

Expensive People by Joyce Carol Oates

“I was a child murderer. I don’t mean child-murderer, though that’s an idea. I mean child murderer, that is a murderer that happens to be a child, or a child who happens to be a murderer. You can take your choice.”

Play It As It Lays by Joan Didion

“What makes Iago evil? some people ask.  I never ask.”

The Catcher In The Rye by J.D. Salinger

“If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you’ll probably want to know is where I was born, and what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me, and all that David Copperfield kind of crap, but I don’t feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth.”

Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston

“Ships at a distance have every man’s wish aboard.  For some they come in with the tide.  For others they sail forever on the horizon, never out of sight, never landing until the Watcher turns his eyes away in resignation, his dreams mocked to death by Time.  That is the life of men.”

Sammy’s Hill by Kristin Gore

“The party really started to rock when Willie Nelson and Queen Nefertiti began pouring shots.”

Post Office by Charles Bukowski

“It began as a mistake.”

Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas by Hunter S. Thompson

“We were somewhere around Barstow on the edge of the desert when the drugs began to take hold.”

Slaughterhouse Five by Kurt Vonnegut

“All of this happened, more or less.”

My telephone rang about an hour ago and the caller ID said that it was from a Los Angeles area code. So I answered, unsure who it was calling. Here is the phone conversation that took place.

Un-named Friend: Oh my god, Mike. How are you?

Me: Hey! Un-named friend! It’s been a really long time.

Un-named Friend: You never answer my phone calls…I was starting to think you don’t like me!

Me: I saw that you were calling from L.A. I thought maybe you were my agent.

Un-named Friend: Wait. You have an agent?

Me: Do you think talent like this goes around unrepresented?

Un-named Friend: Seriously?

Me: No, douche. I’m joking. What’s up? Why are you calling?

Un-named Friend: I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday!

Me: (laughs)

Un-named Friend: You thought I forgot, huh?

Me: Well…umm….

Un-named Friend: Shit. It isn’t today?

Me: Not exactly. My birthday was in March, dude.

Un-named Friend: God damn it. March 21st! I thought it was April 21st.

Me: Yeah. It’s actually March 19th. But no biggie, really. I don’t like Birthdays that much anyway.

Un-named Friend: So, what’s new with you?

As always, here’s a picture of a kid using the naughty finger to help you get through your Monday.