Warning: this post may contain spoilers. If you haven’t read this book, and plan on one day reading the Alex Cross novels, skip this post. You’ve been warned.
I ruined this book for myself.
I have this habit that I’ve done since I was a kid. When I pick up a novel I flip to the last page and read the final sentence. I don’t know why I do this. Sometimes it kind of ruins a book, but I’ve never had this bad habit ruin a book so much as it did with Roses Are Red. This novel is about a series of bank robberies orchestrated by an unknown criminal called The Mastermind. And here is the final sentence in this book:
“I’m so sorry about Betsey,” said Kyle Craig, the Mastermind. “I’m so sorry, Alex.”
What the hell?! So I totally knew that the FBI’s Kyle Craig was behind all of the robberies and murders the entire time. Boo.
It was kind of out of character for James Patterson to wait until the final sentence to tell us who the Mastermind was. And the real bad guy wasn’t captured in this novel. Exciting.
I’m a total book snob that likes to say, “I read the book before I saw the movie, and the book was much better.” So I’m going to read Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold before the movie comes out.
Next year starts tomorrow. I was contemplating blogging out a list of things that I resolve to do better next year…from the serious (gain control of my blood glucose numbers) to the funny (return those damned Netflix DVDs on time). But instead I’m just going to resolve to be a better person.
I know that a good goal is quantifiable, and simply saying “I want to be good” isn’t exactly measurable, but that’s what I’m sticking with in 2010. I want to be good.
The novel Then We Came To The Endby Joshua Ferris is written in the first person plural…therefore, I will write my post reviewing this novel in the first person plural:
We found Ferris’ novel sitting on the shelves of the used bookstore in Mesa. Even though we try not to do so, we often judge books by their covers. We tried to pick up the book and read it, but were soon distracted by something more juicy. Eventually, without anything else to read, we read the book about gossip in a failing ad agency of the 1990s.
Most of us thought that this was a rather tedious book to read. Others enjoyed the funny stories about office affairs and pro-bono cancer advertisements. But the general consensus was that it was a clever idea to write a book in the first person plural…but the novelty ran out around page 100.
We all agreed that it felt like we were reading a gimmick. Like this novel was some creative writing exercise assigned to a 20-something in his creative writing course at the community college.
When Ferris wrote this novel, he created some good characters with an intriguing plot, but you don’t get too involved in anyone’s life. You never get to know any of them. If you asked Mike Lawson, he would tell you to not waste your time on this book. But then again, how often do we agree with Mike Lawson?
I’m about to jump into another James Patterson novel, Roses Are Red. Which is in the Detective Alex Cross series. Don’t judge me.
Sometimes I need a palate cleanser, and James Patterson does that for me. I’m not going to knock his books (hell, I read all of them) but there is something superficial about his stories that make them a mind-numbingly easy read.
You jerks just love to see me embarrass myself, don’t you?
I posted yesterday that if my fruitcake raised $50, that I would record a video of myself singing Christmas carols and then post it to YouTube. Well, as of this writing my fruitcake hasn’t raised $50…it’s raised $60!
So I’m taking requests. What do you want to hear? Keep in mind that I’m a really lousy singer.
And thanks to all of you that donated a few bucks. It makes me feel good to know that you guys contribute to the good work that The Boys & Girls Clubs of America does…that’s why you donated, right? It wasn’t because of the lame-o YouTube wager, right?
BTW, it’s not too late to donate to my fruitcake. Click here if you want to see the fruitcake, re-gift it to your friends, or donate a dollar or two.
I just stumbled across this funny list by Lauren Leto called Stereotyping People by Their Favorite Author. Find your favorite author, and learn a little about yourself. Sadly, this is what I learned about myself after looking up a few of my favorites:
I am a boy that cannot read. I scored a 153 on the LSAT exam. I’m that kid in your philosophy class with the stupid tattoo. And I play Creep by Radiohead while having sex or smoking pot.
Don’t you hate fruitcake? It’s the stupidest gift that just gets re-gifted and then re-gifted and then re-gifted. Well, I have a virtual fruitcake located here. It’s a fruitcake that benefits the Boys & Girls Clubs of America (Powered by PayPal). My goal is to get a bunch of people to re-gift the fruitcake to their friends on Facebook, and I hope that a bunch of you can donate a dollar or two as well.
If this fruitcake earns $50 before Christmas Day, I’ll sing a Christmas carol (I’ll even take requests) and post it to my YouTube page.
So far my fruitcake has raised $5. I know that you’ve got $1 to donate. Just click here and make a tiny donation.
All of the money goes to The Boys & Girls Clubs of America – which does work that is really important to me. Each day they offer a safe, fun and positive place for children to hang out and learn to be caring, responsible citizens. In the community that you live in there are boys and girls that are left to find their own recreation and companionship on the streets. Too many kids are left home alone without adult care or supervision. Young people need to know that someone cares about them. The Clubs offer that…and more. Club programs and services promote and enhance the development of children by instilling a sense of competence, usefulness, belonging and influence. Help the Clubs continue to be a safe place for children to learn and grow. Give my fruitcake a dollar, and re-gift it.
At work yesterday a 10-year-old girl came up to me and was a bit panicked. Her school teacher assigned homework over the Winter Recess (what a bitch, right?) and this 10-year-old over-achiever was upset because she wanted to use the Internet to finish the project, but she doesn’t have Internet access at home. We worked out a deal, and I allowed her to sit in my office and do some research, print out what she needed and take everything home to complete.
After she left I went into my office and the Google homepage was up on my screen, and this was what I saw:
Don’t you hate fruitcake? It’s the stupidest gift that just gets re-gifted and then re-gifted and then re-gifted. Well, I have a virtual fruitcake located 
