This is the one with my greatest hits.

Posted August 6th, 2010 by Mike Lawson

Do you follow me on Twitter?  Are you a friend on Facebook?

Microblogging has kind of taken over, and sometimes I write pithier more direct things on these sites.  Sometimes I’m funnier there.  Sometimes I’m not.

Whatever.  Here’s a list of 20 of my favorite Facebook/Twitter updates that you may have or may have not seen this summer:

1.Twitter: I just realized that my website has a bug in Internet Explorer…and I kind of don’t care. Upgrade people. 11:12 AM Jun 8th

2. Twitter: At a house party, and I will be surprised if there is NOT a gang fight or drive by before I leave. 8:36 PM Jun 26th

3. Facebook:  A spoonful of sugar is sort of counterproductive when taking medicine for my type 1 diabetes. Thanks anyway, Ms. Poppins.

4. Twitter: hadababyitsaboy 11:37 PM Jun 25th

5. Facebook:  I’m filling out an online application and documenting my work experience. Under “Employer” I wrote “Disneyland.” Under “Brief description of the company” I’m tempted to write “Seriously, it’s fucking Disneyland.”

6. Twitter: I’m at Some random lady’s house (9035 E Blanche Dr, Scottsdale). http://4sq.com/9D5eoq 11:29 PM Jun 19th via foursquare

7. Facebook: Quote of the night…”so she started making out with this guy, well she thought he was a guy.”

8. Twitter: Once you go black, you’ll never go back…and I’m talking about carbon-copy paper that is left in a hot car. 10:09 AM Jul 24th

9. Facebook: When my coworker said “there are a lot of hot guys at my gym, and that makes it easy to come.” I giggled for an hour.

10. Twitter: During a game of “TELEPHONE” today an 8-year-old turned the phrase “I like dinosaurs” into “I like ball sacs” just to be funny. #FML 11:29 AM Jun 18th

11. Facebook: For the record, guys DO make passes at boys that wear glasses.

12. Facebook: If you’ve ever thought it would be okay to swim with contacts in and you’d just keep your eyes shut, don’t do it. I’m blind all day today.

13. Twitter:  I just saw two crazy homeless guys arguing at the library about waiters and enchiladas. Wtf? 1:11 PM Jul 25th

14. Facebook: Doubt what they say, and believe what they do.

15. Twitter: Do your best & forget the rest. 10:27 PM May 27th

16. Twitter: This place is gayer than Amsterdam on a Saturday. Just saying. (@ Fresh & Easy Neighborhood Market) http://4sq.com/77eukP

17. Twitter: I may or may not be wearing a shirt that is too tight. 6:36 PM Jul 26th

18. Twitter: long story, but I just had to add the word “faggot” to my cell’s dictionary, kept trying to change it to fargo. 5:28 PM May 22nd

19. do you ever feel like some people talk loud and say nothing? 7:29 AM May 21st

20. Twitter: Going some place to do some thing…that’s all I know. 9:27 AM Jul 17th