I was kind of hesitant to post this story…but then I thought honest blogging is good blogging.  Then I thought a true lady doesn’t kiss and tell.  Then I thought a penny saved is a penny earned.  And I started getting all of my clichés all confused.

So whatever.  Here’s the story of that time when I was a selfish ass.

About 7 or 8 years ago, when I was living in California I was dating this guy (whose name escapes me…Darrell?  David?  Who the hell knows?!).  Physically, the guy was an 8 or 9.  He kind of looked like CNN’s TJ Holmes, minus the suit.

We did normal date things.  Dinners.  Movies.  Visits to the beach.  Whatever.  But I started noticing that he was hesitant to get too intimate.  We would make out, but when I’d try to get second base, I’d get the mormon-brush-off.

We were like three or four dates in and  I was starting to realize that aside from his CNN anchor looks, there wasn’t much else that  I liked about the guy.  He was going to school to be a veterinarian.  Loved horses.  Spent all of his free time at the horse stables.  And the closest I’ve been to a real horse was when I rode the stagecoach at Knott’s Berry Farm.

So it fizzled.

He was going to come over to my place to watch a movie for our fifth or sixth date, and I made a resolution.  I was done.  This movie date would be our last get-together, but maybe I could get more than a kiss…if you follow.

He showed up and we watched a movie.  We rolled around on the bed, but I didn’t get anything that I had hoped for.

After the movie I was kind of a jerk.  He wanted to hang out some more but I did that fake yawn thing and looked at the clock.  He got the hint and left.

For a normal person, this story would end now.  But for some reason my life is stranger than fiction, and too many of my experiences are worthy of a tele-novela plot point.

Please remember that when I said “goodbye” that night, I had every intention of never seeing this guy again. I like a little hard-to-get…but I’m no fan of unattainable.

Later that night I got an email.  The gist of the email was this, “I like you a lot.  I’ve been less-than-honest.  I was diagnosed with HIV about a year ago and I thought you should know before we get any more intimate.”

Fuck.

What were my options after that?

1. I could ignore his email.  Dodge his phone calls.  And look like a complete ass.

2. I could respond that I wasn’t really interested in him, and it had nothing to do with the HIV.  And look like a complete ass.

3. I could lie and continue to date him for a while and slowly break it off.  Stringing him along and looking like a complete ass.

What would you have done?  I ended up going with number two.  It was the only honest approach…but I’m sure I came out of it looking like an ass in his eyes.

What would you have done?  Additionally, would you pursue a relationship with someone if you learned early on (way before you LOVED the person) that they had HIV?  I’m super-curious.

Over a year ago, my supervisor at work used the word “fag” while making fun of one of his roommates.  As you can imagine, I lost a bit of respect for the guy after that.  And then a few months after that, on Twitter, the same supervisor called someone a “faggot.”

Annoying.

So I responded to him on Twitter and said that “using words like ‘fag’ and ‘faggot’ make you sound ignorant.”

That was pretty much the end of that.

I don’t work closely with the guy anymore, but we do still follow one another on Twitter and Facebook.

A couple of weeks ago I was reading an Oscar Wilde book and tweeted the following: Sharing my bed with this queer tonight: http://twitpic.com/26xowh

And my old supervisor put me on blast.  In jest, he said that using words like “queer” made me sound ignorant.  But then he tweeted to all of his followers: “if people of certain race/sexuality get offended when others use a derogatory slang 4 them then they shouldnt use it either #bearolemodel“

So there are a couple of things I have to say about this.  Firstly, calling someone (presumably someone who is heterosexual) a fag or faggot in an attempt to make them feel bad about themselves is much different from calling a dead, eccentric, open, homosexual author “queer.”  His argument that my name-calling is on the same page as his, doesn’t hold water.

But he does pose an interesting question.  If gay people get offended when others use the words “fag” and “faggot,” should gay people refrain from using those words too?

What do you think?

My opinion is this: it’s all about context.  When a gay friend talks about how he was in drama club in high school, it’s appropriate to say, “and your parents were shocked when they found out you’re a fag?”

When a straight friend says that they hope that the Steelers win the Super Bowl, it’s not appropriate to say, “You cock-sucking faggot.  You’re an idiot.”  A double standard?  Perhaps, but that’s where I’m at.

I had to change the look of my page again.  For some reason the photographs in the new theme were hindering my abilitiy to write here.  I kept thinking “I could blog that…but what picture would I use?”  And then I wouldn’t post anything at all.

And in that photo-heavy theme all of the images had to be HUGE to look good.  What if I wanted to post a little pizza icon?

So here it is.  Back to the old look.

In other news, Mr. D and I are taking a break.  We’ve both got some shit to figure out…and some space might make that easier to do.  It’s super-sad, and really hard to leave him and the dogs – but I think it’ll be for the better.

We had a nice week of figuring the seperation out.  We’ve been together three years…and that means our lives are all tangled up.  It’s been really friendly though, and no bridges were burned.  So in the future we’ll for sure have some sort of relationship.

I don’t want to be Debbie Downer here…but the equality in marriage people have launched a “Repeal Prop 8 in 2010″ campaign that is accompanied by a butt load of posters, and I kind of hate the slogan.

It doesn’t even rhyme.

Why not, “End the hate: Repeal Prop 8.”  Or they could have gone with, “It’s not to late to end the hate,” and in smaller print “help us repeal proposition 8 in 2010.”

Or something catchy.  Aren’t gays good at catchy?

Joking aside, there are a lot of really good organizations already coming together to start the fight for 2010.  If you’re interested in helping in California, you can go to repeal-prop-8.org. (I absolutely DESPISE web addresses with dashes…DESPISE!)

I think that a lot of young homosexuals were slapped in the face last November, and you’re going to see a new generation of young gay activists jump out of their closets and stand up for equality…and that MILK movie didn’t hurt either.

If you take religion out of this, the argument is easily won.  You don’t have to give me the right to marry in your church.  Quite frankly, I’m not interested in marrying in your church.  All we want is our government to recognize our love, and give us the same benefits that are given to our neighbors.

On a seperate note, does anyone else see the irony in the fact that heterosexual marriage in this country is becoming less desirable for people (a la Oprah) as we fight for marriage equality?

Do something:

• http://onestruggleonefight.com/
• http://www.hrc.org/
• Stonewall Democrats
• http://www.lovehonorcherish.org/