I moved to Phoenix about 6 months ago, and since then I’ve had about 70 different jobs.  I swear to god that I’m not a job-hopper.  I hate job-hoppers.

I’m not some irresponsible flake that accepts a position and collects a paycheck or two and decides to stay home all day and play Xbox for a few weeks.

I’m not.  I swear.

Well today I quit another job.  I’ve actually only had three positions here in AZ…but that’s an awful lot of jobs to hold in a 6-month period.

I wrote here about the position that I took a few weeks ago and that I quit today.  I am still in love with this organization and their mission; I’m just pretty sure that it wasn’t a good fit for me.

And now I’m going back to my roots.  I got offered a position with a youth-serving organization where I’m going to have the opportunity to tap into some of my past experiences.

How many jobs in a year would look bad on a resume?  25?  30?

I’ve had mixed feelings about this woman I work with.  We both started at the same time, so there was some bonding over that.  And when we are alone she opens up  a lot and is fun to talk to.

The problem is that she’s a total butt-kisser to those with “power” and straight-up rude to those that she believes can give her nothing.

So I was kind of up in the air about her, since we were allies in this new environment and we had good talks over lunch…but she was a bitch to the receptionist regularly.

Well the jury came in yesterday.

I was returning to the office from a meeting off-site (it was actually a job interview….that’s another blog post though), and I called this woman and said that I’d stop at Jack ‘N’ The Box to retrieve lunch for the two of us.

Well dumb me, I accidentally spilled two 32 oz. sodas on my lap on the way back to the office.  Well, the first actually spilled down my leg and in my effort to catch it, I threw the second onto my lap and the lid popped off and formed a cold soda pond in my lap.

I laughed it off and walked into the office with cola-flavored footprints following me on the asphalt.  And do you know what the bitch said?

She asked, “Well, what am I supposed to drink with my lunch?”

I’m no longer up in the air about her.

At the new job I got paired up with a pretty smart guy that I was stoked to get setup with. He seemed to be really into the mission of the organization and aside from being a Berkeley grad (go Cal), he was also easy to talk to and ask questions.

We were riding around in his car, and it was one of the first few moments we had alone, and he got weird.

“Have you heard about the UFO that was spotted over Phoenix a couple of weeks ago?” he asked.

“Um, no…I haven’t. Tell me about it,” I said.

“Well, it was all over the news. A few thousand people must have seen this unidentified object flying over Phoenix.”

“Really?”

“Do you believe that?” he asked.

“Sure. UFO is just an unidentified object in the sky. It doesn’t have to be Martians, right?” I said. Hoping he was on that same page. “There are a few different air force bases in the area…could have been anything.”

“No, you’re right. And did you know that in 1987 there was a triangular set of lights that flew over Phoenix and it was spotted by a ton of people. If you can’t tell, I’m a Ufology nut.”

Well, the nut part was right.

As the day progressed he proved more and more that he was a normal guy. We had a couple of meetings with different people in the community, and he was pretty inspiring the way that he spoke with them.

Then we get into the car for the 6th or 7th time, and we’re both kind of getting tired and he looks at me and says, “Do you believe in Bigfoot?”

And I couldn’t help it. I just laughed.

It was obvious that I had hurt his feelings a little, so I tried to salvage the conversation. “To be honest, all I know about Bigfoot is what I’ve seen in ‘Harry and the Hendersons.’ [which is a kick-ass movie, btw], so I guess my knowledge is limited to fictional accounts. What do you believe?”

I kind of miss my old office…we didn’t have any weirdos. Just a gay guy that pretended to he loved Jesus more than cock, a Samoan cult, a short and stout Hispanic girl that was kidnapped by her father when she was a child and made international news because it was one of the first cases of parental kidnapping, a guy that was disgustingly obsessed with USC paraphernalia even though he never went to USC, and a half-deaf Vietnamese girl that you could talk shit about as long as you stood on her left.

Since moving to Phoenix I’ve kind of stepped away from being involved in local politics.  I had sort of surrounded myself with it back in California: all of free-time was spent doing political things; all of my friends were running in political circles.

It was kind of relaxing to move away and take a break…but today I just accepted a position that will bring me back into the political world.

I don’t like to write too much about my professional life here–the internet never forgets–so I’ll just be brief and say that I think I’ve found a position that is career-starting.

:)

I just got a new job. Exciting, right?

Today I have to go and get drug tested, and for some reason I’m worried. Which is odd because my blood is cleaner than Howie Mandel’s bathroom.

I just kinda freak when things are so official.

I get this way when I have to talk with police officers too.  One time I was driving through a sobriety check-point and before I reached the front of the line I had created an elaborate story about why I was out so late.  Again, I had nothing to hide.  I was innocently driving from a friend’s house home, but when I pulled up to the cop before he could ask me anything I blurted out, “I’m on my home from church.  We just had a youth group get-together.”

The cop furrowed his brow and waved me through.

I know that when I pee in the little cup my hand will be shaking…which can complicate things.  In the car ride to the clinic I’ll try to imagine different stories to tell the lab-techs about my drug-free-ness.

Here are some photos from my last day at the office:

Brian is replacing me at the office, and because of my control issues I think that the transition has been a little difficult for him.  One of our biggest problems revolves around organization.  We’re like the Odd Couple…I’m the clean, logical, organized one.   He’s Walter Mathau.

Here’s a photo of Brian sitting at my old desk/his new desk:

Holy shit, what is all that crap?!?!  For godsake, I can’t even look at the desk in the photo without a tear forming in my eye.  I’m certain this is what a parent feels when their son comes home and has pierced his nose or dyed his hair pink.  I still love you, desk…but is this what I spent the last few years teaching you?

Quote of the day:

“There are people on hold and you’re in a cardboard box!”

CONTEXT: We had a large delivery at the office today and there was a very large box (bigger than a refrigerator box) just sitting there. So I climbed in and waited for someone to walk by so I could jump out and scare him/her.

Well it took a while, but Brian (the guy that is replacing me and I am supposed to be training) was walking around frantically. I jumped out and said “Boo.”

Brian wasn’t scared by the action–instead he just angrily said “There are people on hold and you’re in a cardboard box!”

I interviewed a young woman named Linay at work this afternoon. These are the first words that came out of my mouth:

Hello Linay.
Right this way.

Then I laughed a little because I accidentally rhymed. Then I added:

I alway talk in rhyme, by the way.

And the bitch didn’t even crack a smile. Come on!  Needless to say, we won’t be hiring her.

And yesterday at work I did an orientation with three new employees.  We usually show them a video about reporting suspected cases of child abuse, but there was a meeting that was happening in the room where the TV, VCR, and child abuse video were…so instead I re-enacted the movie for them.  My favorite line in this video is “I’m glad I talked with Mr. Ramos in the after school program because you want to know what my mom did?  She made the bad man move out.”