This is the one with inappropriate singing.

Posted April 16th, 2008 by Mike Lawson

I sometimes think of myself as a human jukebox machine. And my musical mind gets triggered by small phrases or words. Someone says, “I gotta pee…” and I start belting “Oh, I’m no one’s wife, but…Oh, I love my life.”

Or when someone asks that popular fragment, “how long?” I start humming “I could cry, salty tears….where have I been all these years? Listen you…tell me true…How long has this been going on?”

A few years ago I was having a good conversation with a friend, and she was complaining about her love life and how she only dates jerks, and I was consoling her…at the end of the conversation she jokingly said, “Mike, will you marry me?”

I laughed and told her that we would make a good couple if I was straight…the normal B.S. that gay boys tell their hags…and then for some unknown reason I started singing.

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty women your wife
Go for my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you

I couldn’t control it! It just came out of me.

I didn’t think of my friend as an ugly girl, but talking of marriage just delivered that song to my tongue, and I couldn’t think of anything else.

Needless to say she was a little offended. But that is nothing compared to the blunder I made yesterday. I was helping one of my co-workers complete a project, and she was in a really shitty mood (I won’t bore you with all of the back story). One important detail is that this coworker has muscular dystrophy and is parallelized from the waist down.

So we are sitting there working, and I’m trying to put her in a better mood, and all the sudden I burst into song.

Get on your feet
Get up and make it happen
Get on your feet
Stand up and take some action

Gloria Estefan’s Get On Your Feet.  I cringed.  She didn’t respond.  But the horrible part of this story is that I kept exploding into different parts of Get On Your Feet for the four or five hours that we sat together…and I couldn’t help it.

I have absolutely no control over the song archive in my brain.