This is the one where I come out of the closet.

Posted March 5th, 2008 by Mike Lawson

I was digging around in some boxes looking for something I’ve written in the past, and I came across a few pages of text that I had saved. It was the letter I wrote to my parents in 2000 telling them that I was a homosexual, and their responses.

The letter was pretty generic. It had the normal “just being honest” hackneyed crap. I wanted to share with you my mom and sister’s responses to my letter.

My mom left me a voicemail, and I transcribed it.

Michael. Michael. Are you there? It’s your mom. [This is a voicemail, by the way. She always thinks that I can somehow hear voicemails as they are being recorded.]

Well, we got your letter today. I bet that it was very hard to write. I hope you don’t break out in a bunch of pimples…cause I remember you used to have that happen when you would start school each year…you would be nervous and break out in pimples.

Dad and I talked and he isn’t terribly upset or anything. We would rather you be gay than be a murderer or something like that. You’re your own person and we just want you to be happy.

God made us, and I think he knows whats in your heart more than I do. I am glad that you thought you could share this with us.

I am going to mail a $50 check–it should get there in a day or two. The money is for taking your cousin out to lunch one weekend. She misses you and I’m sure she would like to see you again. She only lives thirty minutes away from your house…you should really go to see her. Don’t you dare cash that check until the day that you are going. I’ll check my bank statements.

Oh! I almost forgot. Go check the internet. I sent you an email letter. I just learned…your dad showed me. Call me and tell me if you got it. I love you.

My mom still calls occasionally to tell me that she’s emailed me. Kind of defeats the purpose.

This is an email my sister sent to me after they received my letter.

Dear Mike,

We got your letter today and the aura of the room is a little tense. Mom didn’t act too surprised. Dad’s eyes got wide when he read it (but don’t tell him that I said that). And I was happy to hear you finally said something.

It seems like everything is going to be fine. Mom may cut down on the God speeches to you–and hopefully to me too because I don’t want to hear them. I may finally be able to get Dad to stop cracking gay jokes around Christian [my nephew]. Dad says that just because he’s his grandfather he has the right to make offensive jokes.

The other day they were watching a show on the food network and the announcer said “gay basket of bread.” And dad and Christian started laughing.

I tried telling Christian that it wasn’t funny. But dad just kept laughing like it was. I am trying to get Christian to start using more PC terms…parenting is tough sometimes.

Suprisingly, mom has been getting very comfortable with e-mail. So in a week or two all of the family in South Dakota should know about your sex life.

Love Julie

Here’s my response to Julie:

Dear Julie,

A gay basket of bread? That is funny. If I were there I would have been making jokes too.

I’d probably be talking about one piece of fruit bread fucking another piece of fruit bread.

Be careful how strict you get on your little PC sonny…he may rebel.

Thanks for the update.

I send my love…my gay basket of love.

Mike