This is the one with a letter to Brea Olinda High School.

Posted March 31st, 2008 by Mike Lawson

Dear Brea Olinda Unified School District,

Long time no talk, huh?  Yeah, well I just wanted to write you a quick letter to thank you for the help that you gave to me when I was a young man.

It was hard for me to really see how wise you guys were until very recently.  Back when I was a pimply young teenager, I just thought that you guys were homophobic.  In retrospect, you guys were covertly pushing the gay agenda, weren’t you? So stealthy, and so queer.  Like the BRAVO TV Network.

Back when you refused to allow same-sex couples attend the prom together because, you know, it’s “immoral,” I confused your message.  I mistakenly took you at your word, and thought that you guys believed that same-sex couples would corrupt the great evening with their “immorality.”  But when I think back to prom night, I realize that you weren’t trying to tell us that the night was only about (straight) sex.  You were also helping us homos develop our first fag-hag relationships (Hi Amanda!!).

And sure you threatened the jobs of any teachers that would come out to support a gay/straight alliance on campus.  You even went as far as canceling a club rush to assure that the GSA wouldn’t be allowed to participate.  But again, that was just a ruse.  Secretly, you guys were helping the GSA garner support by acting as the un-cool voice of the administration…of course the students would rebel and join anything you were so vocally against.  Thanks for that.

And as a clarinet player in the Brea Olinda High School Marching Band, we spent a lot of time on the school bus.  That is where I received my first school-sponsored hand job.

I don’t want to mention his name here (Google has a way of never forgetting things), but I will say that he would always bring a blanket to our late-night away football games.  And during one late-night bus ride, he unzipped me and…well, took me home.  Thank you Brea Olinda.

Then you guys sponsored overnight trips for the drama department.  You guys had to know that there was some gay sex going on there. Three male theater students in one room overnight.  Come on.

Well I hope that you guys are still spending those tax dollars to fund homosexual sex.  It helped me become the person I am today, and for that I am truly grateful.

Sincerely,

Mike Lawson

P.S…Go Wildcats!