My friend Amanda doesn’t read this blog; we’ve lost contact.  But if she were to ever find this page, I hope that she overlooks this entry.  This is a confession.

Back in 2000 I was working for a test-prep company.  We charged large amounts of money to wealthy kids and helped them get into schools that would also charge them large amounts of money.  I worked tutoring high school kids one-on-one and in group settings.

To get this job you need to go through a series of interviews, the first being an “audition.”  You are told to prepare to teach a non-academic topic to a group of about 15 other people (other auditioners).  People have done all kinds of things; how to cook and eat grasshoppers, how to string a guitar, how to annoy your neighbor, etc.

So I was working as an SAT tutor for about a year when my friend Amanda who was going to UC Berkley comes home for the summer.  She needed a part-time job, and tutoring paid well, so she decides to audition.  The non-academic topic she was going to teach was different ways to style a mustache.  Cute, right?

So she spends a weekend with her step-dad making this big presentation board with different pictures of different types of mustaches.  It was a cute little presentation and she totally got the job.

After her interview she came by my place and we went out.  She left all her stuff at my place, and when it was time to go home she forgot her mustache board.

A lot of time goes by…like a couple of months.  And this was a period when I was into painting.  I was too poor to buy canvases for experimental hobby, so I used whatever cardboard I could find laying around.  You can already see where this is going, right?

So I ripped up the mustache presentation board that Amanda left at my place and I painted I pretty cool blue painting.  It was mixed media because I also tore up a pair of jeans and it was a pretty cool looking piece of art.  Coincidentally, my roommate brought home new denim couch slipcovers two days after I painted this thing, and we decided that it would make a nice compliment above the couch.

Then I got an email from Amanda.  “I forgot that mustache board at your house!  My step-dad and I spent a lot of time on it, and we don’t really do anything together.  So I thought it would be cool to give it to him.”

Shit.

So I told her that I remember seeing it, but I don’t know where it went.  I kind of blamed my roommate.

What a dick, right?

The worst part was when she was sitting on our couch, the paintings right above her head, and she talked about how she wished she could find the mustache boards.  And I just let her talk.

This was 8 years ago, and I still feel guilty.

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